Trauma Therapy so you can stop thinking about it.
Are You Struggling as a Survivor of Sexual Trauma?
Sex is Complicated
You may have fears of being alone and feel like you have to have a partner. You may have a high sex drive or experience sex as a transaction. You may feel anxious or triggered whenever you’re physically or emotionally close to others. You might have difficulties with sex or mentally “check out” even during consensual sex.
Boundaries are Missing
Sexual trauma can interfere with your ability to identify what you want and don’t want, what you’re okay with or not okay with. Even if you do have a sense that something feels “not okay,” sexual trauma can break down your ability to speak up - making it more likely you’ll stay in situations that feel bad, often leading to more shame and confusion.
Your Body Feels Bad
This can show up in the form of eating disorders, such as binge eating or restricting, as well as body image issues. Sexual trauma can also lead to trouble staying physically present in your body, also known as dissociation. Dissociation can interfere with your sense of direction, difficulty making decisions, and even feelings of brain fog.
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The Crisis Lifeline offers free, confidential support 24/7. You do NOT have to be actively suicidal to reach out for help. If it’s 2am and you just need someone to sit with you while you cry or just listen and not say the wrong thing - give them a call. Just let them know you need someone to talk to.
Common Reactions to Sexual Trauma
Most people who experience sexual trauma go through a similar process of trying to make sense of what happened and move on. Here’s a breakdown of some of the most common tactics, (along with explanations for why these don’t work long-term).
While it’s human to want an explanation along with a plan to stay safe in the future, these common reactions to trauma can often lead to more pain than healing. One thing all these reactions have in common is control - something that feels like it has been taken away in moments of trauma. Hard lines reactions like these may make you feel like you have more control short-term, but over time can leave you feeling more ashamed, more isolated, and more scared.
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Many people who experience sexual trauma describe feeling “dirty” and ashamed. This, in addition to fears of not being believed or of making “big waves”, often leads to trying to keep the trauma a secret.
While trauma is not something to be shared lightly, the decision to keep it secret from everyone, forever, can lead to stronger feelings of shame and isolation. Talking about your trauma with other survivors or in the context of trusted, safe relationships can help to break down feelings of shame.
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This isn’t the type of experience anyone wants to remember, but the body never forgets. There’s a famous trauma book on this point called “The Body Keeps the Score.”The more you try to pretend trauma didn’t happen, the more your body is likely to react in big, and sometimes confusing ways.
In order to move through trauma, so it no longer haunts you physically and mentally, it can be healing to name it and acknowledge it for what it was. Beginning to piece together all elements of your experience can allow your mind and body to heal.
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This is a common, but false logic after trauma. The mind naturally replays traumatic experiences trying to making sense of what happened, why it happened, and how it happened - so we can make sure it never happens again.
Unfortunately, the mind also loves control so it’s common for trauma survivors to pinpoint all the things you could have done differently. By focusing on our “mistakes” we can cling to a sense of control. This process however, only feeds into feelings of guilt and anxiety as we try to navigate the world after trauma.
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The reality is that sadly most sexual trauma involves people we know - not strangers. And with people we know, the weapons are usually emotional, more often than they are actual weapons.
One of the hardest steps of healing from sexual trauma is actually the first step of defining it for what it was - being forced, coerced, or exposed to any unwanted sexual behaviors of any kind.
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Research has proven that in reality, the part of our brain that is responsible for survival above all else (the same part that records every experience in your life to keep a record of what “works” and what’s possible), is the part of the brain that assesses an unfolding trauma, as it’s happening.
This part of the brain decides FOR you, WITHOUT any conscious thought, whether your best chance of survival includes fighting the person off, running away from them, trying to talk to them, or physically freezing up and mentally “going away” until you have a better chance of getting away. This isn’t a choice, it’s automatic.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
When It’s Time to Reach Out for Help
Sexual trauma, either in childhood or as an adult, can affect major areas of your life - your relationships, work, finances, self-esteem, and your physical health. Not everyone who experiences sexual trauma goes to therapy. Some people are able to process through the experience with trusted people in their lives or with the help of support groups and survivor networks. Not everyone who experiences sexual trauma develops symptoms of PTSD. Some people have distinct memories of their trauma, while others have many missing pieces. Everyone’s experience is different. If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, either in childhood or as an adult, and you believe it’s negatively affecting major areas of your life, such as your ability to work, go to school, maintain relationships, or take care of daily life - then it’s time to reach out.
Ready to Get Started?
Get In Touch With Us
Perhaps one of the hardest steps you’ll have to make by yourself is the first step of reaching out to us. Send us your info and we’ll take it from there, supporting you each step of the way.
Complete a Free Consult
You might be nervous about making phone calls or not sure what to say - either way we’ll walk you through it step-by-step in about 15 minutes. We like to be sure it’s a good fit first.
Have Your First Session
We’ll set up your first session with your therapist to complete your initial assessment. This helps to ensure we have a solid game plan from the get-go so you can feel confident in the process.
References:
Mattick, R., and C. Clarke. 1998. Development and Validation of Measure of Social Phobia Scrutiny Fear and Social Interaction Anxiety. Behavior Research and Therapy 36:455–70.